Bellum: Placitum Stilus: Partie Une

Fearing a public outcry in the wake of a (truly) infinitesimal veering from Punctal Theorem, the quaking Speaker bleats forth a blubbering apologia in the form of a plea:

“I mean not to prevaricate, dear friends, upon an occasion that makes desperate call for utter seriosity—indeed, I am well aware that my beloved audience finds itself in perfervid expectation of a theological expoundation on “The Punctles that Pervade” (said article penned by this very modest Speaker, published in the November Edition of yesteryear’s Punctative Metatheatricality and the Metaphysics of Liferature (Vol. 30, No.1), and weep at the thought that the impeccable whiteness of my vocation and the eager, inquisitive eyes of my unsuspecting readers will be tinged (blood red) by the salivating snare of infamy—oh my!—slander!—oh my!—scandal!: my expertise? Questioned! My character? Defamed! My sanity? Denied!

“My dear despairing audience, I mean not to alarm—though my diction coupled with the rhetorical employment of the pathetic punctles through the repeated alternation of the interrogative and exclamatory marks (subject elucidated by this author in the aforementioned “The Punctles that Pervade”) would suggest otherwise. Sincerity forces me to shed light on the verity of this factuality: I must contend with the deranged ramblings of a gnosiophobic maniac—a so-called “synesthete” who drafted a severe slander of this here academic’s expertise . . .”